My friend Teresa, who is a missionary in England sent me an email last week, in it she wrote: "God cares more about the process than the results". Hmmmm that's true I thought. I had never actually thought of it, but it seemed true to me. I posted it in my facebook page, and I started meditating on it. "God cares more about the process than the results"...
I work with teen moms, I want to see results, I've been with them for almost 2 years. But I haven't seen "real" results yet. I want the girls to go back and study, some of them haven't finished primary school. I want them to give their lives to Jesus TODAY. I want the ones who have been phisically abused to stop hurting their babies NOW. I want to see their lives transformed. I want them to be disciples who will disciple, real SOON. I want to see RESULTS.
After thinking about this, "God caring more about the process than the end result" didn't seem so interesting to me anymore. Actually it bothered me...well maybe it is not true after all, I had to go to the Biblie, to find out about this, where did my friend get it from, anyway?
The Holy Spirit reminded me of Moses, I was reading the other day this wonderful prayer:
"If is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may undestand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor"
Ex. 33:13
It became my prayer as well. I want to know God, I want to know his ways. And in my head again, it was: Moses, the process and the result.
Moses loved God, God called him, God used him. He lead the people of Israel out of Egypt, they saw the miracles, the Egyptians suffered the plagues, the water split in two. You know the story, right? There where so many miracles during those 40 years... Moses and the people of Isreal walked and lived together in the dessert. Moses listened to all of their complaints, so many times they doubted God, I'm sure Moses felt like giving up on them many times, BUT God had called him, Moses had a purpose. And yet, he didn't get to take them into the promise land. The whole point of leaving Egypt was to take them into the promise land. So, why 40 years in the dessert? I don't like the result in the story, Joshua gets to take the people into the promise land, not Moses, I mean, I know Moses disobeyed and all, but I'm not perfect either, I have disobeyed, and have lost my temper many times...
The process, it is the process that God cares more. And then I really understood. It hit me. It is not about me, it never was, it never will be. It is not what I can do, it is not what I will do, it is not even about what I will see. It has always been, and it will always be about Him, about what He can do, about what He wants to teach the girls, on His time, on His way. It is about how they are going there, the daily little changes, the smiles on their faces that were not there before, it is about they wanting to know more about Jesus. God is working there, but I can't see any RESULTS!
Maybe I will get to see them walking into the "promise land", maybe I will never see the fruit of the seed that we have planted. But like Moses, I have a purpose, not because I am awesome, not because I'm too good at it. Simply because God is so good to me. He wants me to do exacly what Jesus came to do, to love, to walk with the poor, to touch the sick, to give hope. I am so not worthy of walking on Jesus' shoes. But, he loved me and because He loved me, this is my result, finally. After many many many years my RESULTS are here, I'm following Jesus' steps, but what really matters to him, is the process, everything that lead me here and everything that continue to change my ugly, nasty heart. THE PROCESS.
Hazel A.
